Estella Ramirez

I’m marrying Carlos next Saturday!

It’s down to final head counts, renting table cloths, ordering beer…stuff like that. There’s some minutia I don’t want to go into, but rest assured it’s not minutia like whether the flowers match the bridesmaid dresses, and there’s no assigned seating or that sort of junk.

Our wedding is relatively simple in that we tried not to be wasteful or vain. We wanted the marriage to take precedence over the wedding. It’s not a terribly big wedding, but it’s big enough to cause some anxiety to those of us who do not get a rush out of party-planning. People are coming from out of town, and we want to make it worth their while!

And it’s going to be fun! Carlos and I picked the music play lists and my dad’s band is playing at the end! I want to keep in mind all the things I have for which to be grateful, and know that the wedding planning will be over soon, and even the wedding will have to end some time, so I might as well enjoy this moment.

The Summer Sun was REALLY hot, and unfortunately, the zucchini plants did not make it. I’m sure I’m to blame for not watering them enough. The truth is, I’ve been busy, too busy to keep a garden. And vegetable plants need watering every day. However, my chives are still alive and so is my aloe vera plant (which I mention because even though it is not a vegetable plant – and hey, neither is the chives plant, I hope to make use of the aloe gel for skin treatment some day

So lesson learned: if I’m going to keep a garden, but I am too busy to water every day, then I should stick to succulents and such. I had time for daily watering when I first planted the zucchini, but I forgot to take into account that the summer was peaking and the wedding and a move would be fast approaching. The best thing would have been to give the plants away.

And because we’re moving to Santa Monica for a few months starting Sept 1st of this year, I don’t know if I can take my plants :p If I can’t, though, I’m sure I can leave them with someone. No point in wasting plants. No point at all.

I’ve considered being a professional blogger, and it is not completely out of mind, but I also know that it is not a short-term solution for my non-employment woes; it would take some time to hone my blogging skills as well as to market my services. In fact, it would just add another long-shot dream with no foundation or funding to my list, right after animal savior, professional musician, and professional poet. So, I’ve decided to, yes, continue to do the things that bring me joy, but be more practical by looking for a full-time job that will finance my efforts, diminish my student loan debts and fund my future home with my future husband.

I filled out a job application through Monster.com, and I think it was a good move. Even if I am not granted an interview, I feel very accomplished having succeeded in this first step.

By the way, I was offered a job to teach at Texas State University, from which I just earned my Master’s degree in Creative Writing/Poetry, but I had to reluctantly turn it down because although my job would have been very emotionally rewarding, it does not justify passing up the wonderful career opportunity Carlos was given in Santa Monica.

Well, I did it, even if it was not ideal. I went in thinking to do my cover of “All I Need,” then play one of my songs. I took my sister’s keyboard and my guitar. But I had a lot of anxiety just before I went on and decided to only do the cover on keyboard because it would be too much to do both. I haven’t played in public for years, so I was pretty nervous.

My goal was to just do it, even if I made a fool of myself, just to get my feet wet. Then I could go back to practicing my set list, and continue to do more shows until I am confident again.

Anyway, I got my wish. I was first up, and there was a big crowd, and I thought I saw the guy put the cable in the keyboard and leave. Actually, he was still fumbling around with the cable on stage when I started to play! So he gave up and put a mic on the keyboard, which made a bit of a noise when I played. Weirdly enough, I didn’t make a single mistake in the piano, even though I had never played piano in a show, but my mouth had gone dry from my anxiety. I drank water before I went on, but my voice was not at its best.

Oh well. It was a VERY good learning lesson. Can’t wait to do it again!