Estella Ramirez

I signed up for Adult Ballet I at Santa Monica College, and went to my first class, wearing a t-shirt, zippered sweater, yoga pants, and running sneakers.

I danced barefoot, which made it difficult to slide my feet across the floor, so I think I’ll get some ballet slippers. I secretly want a leotard and skirt, too, but I don’t need them if I’m only taking 5 sessions as an informal summer course. No need for a tutu either, I guess. I liked the dancing, and except for taking a while to catch up with how the counts were going (shame on me as a musician), I think I did pretty well.

The teacher, who is a good instructor, kind, and funny, is having hip replacement surgery after our course is done. She has been a ballet dancer since she was eight, and the twists have taken their toll on her. She is very talented and sacrifices herself as she painfully demonstrates moves to us. I was made undeniably aware that a serious ballet dancer can destroy her very bones – the purest and most demanding moves are so unnatural to the human body. In this regard, I’m not so much concerned for myself, taking just a casual workshop, as I am disappointed in ballet.

On a more positive note, I am getting an essential education. I can see we will be learning the fundamentals of body alignment and awareness, as well as strengthening, not just the legs, but the body’s core muscles, and all of this will help my singing! I hear it’s good for football players, too.

Yes, I was a choir girl growing up. I always loved music. But I was very shy and was scarred for life by the negative experiences I had in school.

But as I matured, I realized that I let my insecurities distract me from reaching my potential as a singer. I never once abandoned music; I have pursued music in various capacities. But I didn’t pursue it with the fervor that my heart really felt. Now it is time to acknowledge the gift I have, and train myself as a singer again!

I am taking voice lessons with the ultra talented soprano, and totally compassionate teacher, Alise Richel. I love her! I feel stronger as a singer already, and with her support, I am facing a lot of demons I was too afraid to face when I was younger. Already I am reaching heights I never thought I could.

I may never become a diva in an opera house (though at the moment I feel like I could do anything), but I am finding my truest and most pure voice in this exciting new endeavor, and it has been an emotional, physical, and spiritual process so far.

If I were to give any advice on the subject of taking voice lessons, it would be to say that it is extremely important to find, not just a great teacher, but a great teacher who is a right fit for you personally!

Well, we moved to the Los Angeles area – Marina del Rey, CA to be precise – so that Carlos could work on an assignment for his company. We’re here temporarily, so I was limited in my job search that way.

Even though I would have liked a full-time job as a teacher, I looked for freelance writing jobs instead. I applied for a lot of writing and editing positions online, using Monster and Careerbuilder. I also used my local Classifieds and Craigslist and applied to a variety of jobs. None seemed to turn out.

Finally, my dad suggested I apply to be a substitute, so I did a search for local schools, called one up, and sent the principal my résumé. The principal, who is just the best person to work with, loved my résumé and soon after I applied, I was called in for a two-week job looking after a Language Arts class! Being a poet with a Master’s in creative writing, it was perfect for me.

And now I can afford to pay all my bills next month!

What’s wonderful about being a substitute teacher is that it gives me some down time to work on my music and writing. And I will continue to look out for freelance writing opportunities.

I’m here in Santa Monica, looking for a job, and we are looking for an apartment while hubby Carlos starts his new assignment here.

Yesterday, I spent the whole day walking around Main Street. It’s where Carlos works, and there are lots of shops and coffee shops to see. It seemed, to me, that every other person carried a yoga mat! In the early evening, I saw a steady stream of people coming out of their Hot Yoga class at Yoga Works (yogaworks.com). There’s a new student’s special at the Main Street location of two weeks unlimited classes for $30 that expires Sept. 30. Carlos and I want to sign up when we move in!

Also, I ran into a store called Natural High, which sells organic/biodegradable clothing, shoes, and home products like sheets and rugs.

They had a yoga mat that I just would love to have. Will add photos later

I’m marrying Carlos next Saturday!

It’s down to final head counts, renting table cloths, ordering beer…stuff like that. There’s some minutia I don’t want to go into, but rest assured it’s not minutia like whether the flowers match the bridesmaid dresses, and there’s no assigned seating or that sort of junk.

Our wedding is relatively simple in that we tried not to be wasteful or vain. We wanted the marriage to take precedence over the wedding. It’s not a terribly big wedding, but it’s big enough to cause some anxiety to those of us who do not get a rush out of party-planning. People are coming from out of town, and we want to make it worth their while!

And it’s going to be fun! Carlos and I picked the music play lists and my dad’s band is playing at the end! I want to keep in mind all the things I have for which to be grateful, and know that the wedding planning will be over soon, and even the wedding will have to end some time, so I might as well enjoy this moment.

The Summer Sun was REALLY hot, and unfortunately, the zucchini plants did not make it. I’m sure I’m to blame for not watering them enough. The truth is, I’ve been busy, too busy to keep a garden. And vegetable plants need watering every day. However, my chives are still alive and so is my aloe vera plant (which I mention because even though it is not a vegetable plant – and hey, neither is the chives plant, I hope to make use of the aloe gel for skin treatment some day

So lesson learned: if I’m going to keep a garden, but I am too busy to water every day, then I should stick to succulents and such. I had time for daily watering when I first planted the zucchini, but I forgot to take into account that the summer was peaking and the wedding and a move would be fast approaching. The best thing would have been to give the plants away.

And because we’re moving to Santa Monica for a few months starting Sept 1st of this year, I don’t know if I can take my plants :p If I can’t, though, I’m sure I can leave them with someone. No point in wasting plants. No point at all.

I’ve considered being a professional blogger, and it is not completely out of mind, but I also know that it is not a short-term solution for my non-employment woes; it would take some time to hone my blogging skills as well as to market my services. In fact, it would just add another long-shot dream with no foundation or funding to my list, right after animal savior, professional musician, and professional poet. So, I’ve decided to, yes, continue to do the things that bring me joy, but be more practical by looking for a full-time job that will finance my efforts, diminish my student loan debts and fund my future home with my future husband.

I filled out a job application through Monster.com, and I think it was a good move. Even if I am not granted an interview, I feel very accomplished having succeeded in this first step.

By the way, I was offered a job to teach at Texas State University, from which I just earned my Master’s degree in Creative Writing/Poetry, but I had to reluctantly turn it down because although my job would have been very emotionally rewarding, it does not justify passing up the wonderful career opportunity Carlos was given in Santa Monica.

Well, I did it, even if it was not ideal. I went in thinking to do my cover of “All I Need,” then play one of my songs. I took my sister’s keyboard and my guitar. But I had a lot of anxiety just before I went on and decided to only do the cover on keyboard because it would be too much to do both. I haven’t played in public for years, so I was pretty nervous.

My goal was to just do it, even if I made a fool of myself, just to get my feet wet. Then I could go back to practicing my set list, and continue to do more shows until I am confident again.

Anyway, I got my wish. I was first up, and there was a big crowd, and I thought I saw the guy put the cable in the keyboard and leave. Actually, he was still fumbling around with the cable on stage when I started to play! So he gave up and put a mic on the keyboard, which made a bit of a noise when I played. Weirdly enough, I didn’t make a single mistake in the piano, even though I had never played piano in a show, but my mouth had gone dry from my anxiety. I drank water before I went on, but my voice was not at its best.

Oh well. It was a VERY good learning lesson. Can’t wait to do it again!